i bid you a sweet farewell 2008

never one to wish time away - it escapes us with great speed whether we wish for it to, or not...

i am still not particularly sad to see 2008 go.

what will 2009 bring - what change will i effect? how will i be affected by the changes coming?

2008 taught me so many things...some of them very hard lessons - but ultimately, i look back on it knowing that my needs are few; but most of all....the love that surrounds me is great. at this moment i have friends in the air on their way back to the east coast after having an amazing dinner with them last night, another dear friend is on the road and will be here in portland to pick me up and spend the rest of the day browsing our favorite spots downtown - including powell's books where i will select something to read during my train ride home on thursday. yes, the time whirls by...it stops for no one. take a look around and really see.

and i will see you all in 2009

Cheers!

a.

another reason to play air guitar during the holidays

Trans. Siberian. Orchestra.

on current heavy rotation in male occupied cubicles at work.

Wow. Check that Holiday Spirit!

Passing out CHRISTMAS cards and candy canes to co-workers today I met the Grinch.

Me: passes co-worker the card and the candy

Coworker: "Oh, ...huh...another candy cane."

Me: thinking to self...was that a "did I just say that out loud moment?"

Me: walks away and says this over my shoulder in the sweetest voice ...

Enjoy it! It's cinnamon.

and I hope that shit burns.

Merry Christmas,

Every One.

The Oprah Deity

so Oprah exclaims that she feels like a "fat cow".

no news here that Oprah has struggled with weight for....decades. many of us do...whether it be trying to gain, or trying to shed. I think that the woman looks fabulous....and yes I know - she has the stylist, the wardrobe assistant, to name just a few of her luxuries. but i am strong believer in this one wittle detail....you must have something to work with first.

she is human - she can feel self-conscious, fat, etc. etc. etc. but what about all of those articles and multitude of quotations encouraging her readers to realize their worth, nurture themselves, look at the bigger picture...you get the idea. what happened to that woman Oprah?

i want to know...are you healthy? are you surrounded by people who you love and bring you joy...and sometimes heartache too? do you believe what you put in print? are you doing the best you can? i'm curious to know about these sorts of things versus whether or not one feels like a failure because she can't fit into her initial gown selection for the inaugration.

keep your head up.

Happy Christmastime!

a bath in 3 tiers

oh how i love a bath! drawn out - - emerging from the suds pink as a lobster...everything else obscured by steam. oh happy day!

my bath - - or shall i say, plumbing has personality....the bath is no sit and steam affair. rather, it becomes after a 3 part process. the first step is to fill the tub with hot water until roughly a third full - when the water becomes cool. wait 10 minutes for more hot water - fill tub to half full. add more hot water again after the 10 minute waiting period and soak.

now at first, this process really pissed me off. the thermostat on the ailing water heater is already set to "High". however, i can adapt. the bath has become a 3 part ritual now - - prior to ever even getting in. the first 10 minute wait is an opportune time to put away dishes (not wash them) hence, prolonging the 10 minute water-reheat wait time. the second wait-period is often spent wandering around the internet sending "gifts" to friends on facebook (throwing snowballs, sending "tangy" plants, and such)...and then it is time for that final addistion of hot water and i'm in.

yes, it is a process - but i've become used to this drawn out experience. the landlords aren't concerned about repairing, or replacing the handicap-placard-entitled water heater - so this is the deal, for now.

i do love an old place with lots of character...but i think i might hold out for a place that doesn't have "Joad" crossed out on the mailbox next go round.

...mmmmm...tiny bubbles....

Smokin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love. it!!!

"the holidays - when families get together and fall into familiar dysfunction"

stick a fork in it & call it done!

my dad has many priceless dad(isms)...but i find this one to be the best measure when trimming the fat.

"....when you've mistaken my kindness for stupidity, we're done"

ouch & amen!

oh! this old thing.....?!

i love a city. although, waking up to a certain city smell is a very disturbing thing when you open your eyes from your bed in your cottage in redding, california. let's just say my plumbing is doing the reverse boogie and i can hear the water in the walls.....oh, dear landlord.....

frozen pudding

i think i'll pass on indulging in that new england "treat". but i am looking forward to my road trip...though several months away - doesn't stop me from breaking out the map and dreaming a little bit every day. maine to the florida keys....sans frozen pudding! if you have any tips, or favorite spots along the eastern seaboard worth checking out, feel free to leave them here. i thank you kindly :)

an admission

now i can understand this. i was once told that there comes a time when you can no longer recall certain things...like voices, scents....and i don't think that that is true across the board because there are people that i can recall and things about them that still have the capacity to stop me in my tracks every time. however, i do understand now.....that it isn't so easy to recall some things that were once so vivid about a person. this realization brings neither sadness, nor relief...but an admission of the fact.

Shhhhhhhhhh!

Oh! I'm sorry. Were we talking about you? Did I miss something; because I'm quite certain I was trying to tell you something about me.

where is my mind?

you know it is going to be quite a day when you wake up at 6:27 and needed to be at work by 6:15. luckily, they wait for you - - and are also kind enough to wait for you to arrive before going for coffee. however, in the frantic rush that is your 30 minute window to get ready - you put on jeans that ride too low and a shirt that wants to roll up like a window shade....bad combo, especially if you ride a scooter....being cold is only a mild side effect. throw my lunch together (soup, in a plastic container) and store it in the undercarriage of the scooter....begin day.

again, the jeans....low riders that aren't good for hiking either. take a step, adjust, take a step, adjust...the hem of the jeans squishing in the mud. finish outreach early, return to scooter...find spilled soup...note to self: wash every article of clothing left in the undercarriage and blow dry permit.

do over. anyone????

Battle of the Goose Handle Umbrellas

This is what the sky looks like in Redding, California before it opens up and hurls buckets of rain down...thunder, lighting and a preview of winter? Hopefully.

One Step Closer

Okay, wow...is it really well into the first week of November already?

Halloween was spent hanging out at the Glover household and accompanying the Chrisz wheeling (yes, he had a cushy wagon) the Drewster around the neighborhood to trick or treat. Meanwhile, the Glover fort was helt down by K.C. who played "Trick or Wine"...red, or white was offered up to appropriately aged...or costumed (ha!) parents. The Weinermobile made an appearance in front of Dervin's house - - she snapped and sent pictures as evidence...btw, I'm still waiting for my WeinerWhistle, missy!!!

Tuesday night...what a night! Barbi and I watched the election at one of the dem parties in town. The mood was ecstatic...I still have a smile on my face.

twiddly fingers

no smart ass entry for me...no reflections...just some pondering...as in...what the heck will it look like this time next week?

vote.

pretty please.

with a voter registration card on top.

Seek and Ye Shall Find...

when it comes to a quick reference tool employed to win a bet, search for a recipe, research etymology, perform minor surgeries at home, or to fix your toilet...google is the place. quick. easy. and when it doubt....thanks to mr. k....i just advise "google that shit!"

p.s. that cat looks like a vampire out of salem's lot.

Kitchen Closed

...yeah, um...that's not my cat. That is however, my kitchen. And this is why the kitty door goes 'hasta la bye bye'.

<>

Pass.

Spent a fine afternoon making the trek to Mossbrae Falls in Dunsmuir. On the way up I received word that an old friend had passed away this morning - spent the rest of the drive thinking about him and the circumstances (which as of yet, I still do not know), thinking about the friends I will see next weekend when we gather. Got to the train tracks in Dunsmuir and began our walk...and we walked, and we walked...we walked past the trail to the falls. We walked on for another 1/2 mile or so and figured since there was no one else behind us any longer - was a sign that we had missed the trail. Walking back from the falls...my head down in many thoughts...concentrating on each step so as not to fall on the shale....I passed another person I knew...but it didn't register until after the fact....and the one thing, that seemed so obvious...and inevitable was the passing of a train...which never came.

Throw Ya Hands Up!

...or your decorated dollar bills...

Bubba Thrashers is a great little (newish) watering hole here in Redding. The owners are very friendly and some of the patrons may feel so inclined as to grab the guitar behind the antique cash register and play some tunes if the mood strikes. The decor is funky and while not complete - feel free to bring in something you'd like to contribute to the atmosphere. My friend might bring in her son's snowboard that is split down the middle (damn trees, rocks, or whatever it was!).

Salud!

-a

a shout out for clearing the air

today was one of those days that irritability had me in it's clutches....for no reason that presented itself to me on a conscious level...my week has been great, the day at hand - jim dandy. i was irritated with other drivers but not enough to bring the mood down...but just enough...

just enough to (yes, while driving), let out a holler at the top of my lungs for several seconds. there. poof-da! gone. just like that. it felt really good i have to say.

hoooooooooooooooo-ya!

vanity

...enjoying nice conversation with a man at oktoberfest yesterday...man mentions that he has a 1974 norton bike he hasn't started to restore. i chime in "'74...great year". man looks at me somewhat puzzled (but i can see the pieces rapidly clicking into place). "so, uh, why was it a great year...?" i was born in '74. i order another ipa and excuse myself for a sec. when i return, '74 norton' was on to other prospects...which while i was relieved, i also thought..."74, really, was he that surprised??

-alpha hydroxy

They've Found Me...

The 'hood cats. They've discovered what I once thought to be a wonderful convenience...the kitty/doggy door. Sitting on the couch one recent evening I glanced toward the French doors and noticed a cat slinking out of the kitchen and through the kitty door. "Oh, must be V on the prowl..." but wait, V doesn't have socks...weird. Next morning, I have the doors open as I get ready for work and right at the threshold is this beautiful, fluffy gray and white blue eyed cat...with a "crap I've been caught" expression. But oh no, the obvious presence of a human did not scare this cat away from the feeding station in the kitchen. Cat sidesteps me with slight caution and heads toward the food. "What the..." Now that cat is around all the time; others too. How did this happen - - aren't they afraid to impose on a strangers house...it could all be a trap? What is V telling these other cats??

I fully expect to come home one day to a house full of 'hood cats playing a lively game of poker...Costco bag of cat food spilled onto the kitchen floor...party time! And to think, until recent years, I did not like cats...fluffy, friendly, cute - no dice. I can't afford to keep all of the neighbor cats in winter coats - and as soon as one of them leaves me something aromatic - kitty door gets the kibosh.

No...I mean it...seriously.

:)

The thing about Things...

...recently read this little tome...love the simplicity...

"it's about uncluttering my mind, uncluttering
my space and allowing me to focus on things
that matter."

what would that look like for you?

Welcome...

Today is the first day of autumn. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face if I tried - not that I would want to. Autumn always brings the most unexpected gifts...I welcome them all.

Buzz.Kill

Ever meet one of those people that glomb on to a new word and uses it to describe everything? New words are often exciting...but there are some instances where I'd rather have the real deal versus some term used to summarize...business settings...buzz words is where I'm going with this...

face time, phase out, phase in, snapshot, sidebar, interface, piggyback, re-route, dovetail, seamless, transparent.



enough!!!

that ain't how i heard it

me: so, we're getting a tapas bar downtown! i look forward to checking it out.
her: a tapas bar? why do they have to put it downtown?
me: well, why not - it makes sense.
her: well chico doesn't have one downtown.
me: yes they do...what's the deal with having it downtown?

mind you - during this wittle exchange...i'm wondering what the hell her opposition is to the tapas bar in downtown redding is all about and she is wondering why i am so ethusiastic about a topless bar coming to downtown. ...lesson. never speak with a mouthful of mashed taters.

or something like that.

something wicked this way comes

little things that bring me joy and/or a side ache from laughter..

conversations with people that (the conversations, not necessarily the people) swirl around and come back to point...or new points and discoveries.

tall paul, and not the beatle. ...was that a smoking jacket, or a kimono? oy.

i believe it must be the janitor who eats the milk chocolate truffles on my desk...but i think it's cute and i thank her/him for it.

mexican food...several times a day.

shea.

-'cita

Fine Day for a Theme Song

today has henry mancini scribbled all over it....from the moment i walked to the county lot this morning and non-stop ever since....

-off and skipping

Tag! You're it...

Okay, Scalder tagged me so my mission is to let ya'll in on 6 things about me....I need to tag six others at the end of my post...here we go...

1.) my favoritest sandwich-slash-comfort food is a pickle and cheese sandwich on toasted dill rye.

2.) i can yodel (but this doesn't make me Jewel...never will)

3.) with a little observation, i can give voice and character to almost anything; and not in a cruel
way

4.) i have been stranded in Mexico City

5.) the color orange is divine and makes me smile

6.) my first bedroom was a closet

I've tagged -

*Sascha
*Kim
*Erin
*Karen S.
*Timm
*'nony...

All She Wants Is

to be adored without reservation. is it so much to ask? if anything.....it is a fine mantra for however long it serves a purpose.

Sigh! I just feel so....Hugged!

and so it is.

Compassion Runneth Low

...and you're telling me this because...

Way 2 Go

...so I take my scooter a/k/a "da Black Dag'" down to one of the local motorcycle shops for an insurance inspection. Salesman grabs clipboard and we head out to the parking lot to have a look. I say (because I'm embarrassed that the scooter is dusty and past due for service) "well, she's dirty and she needs a service". Really? Fucktard. Cheezenugget. If I could have grabbed the words and chomped on them furiously just to take them back...I would have been that girl. Instead, the salesman gave a little cough and continued walking toward the scooter. I have a hunch that the guy has a quick and sharp wit.....but he let that little Freudian slip go. Grazie! Grazie! What's my rule about excuses: don't give 'em...no one is really that interested anyway. Stick with that next time Smoothie!

Believe me...there are times when I do say the appropriate thing at the perfect moment...but more often than not I'm just giddily chewing on a foot with a side of Horsey sauce.

I'm off...I believe there is a service to schedule...

Please Pass the Goop

So the birthday road trip started a little something like this...

12:15 pm on Friday I ring Scalder for her 20 and ETA. Scalder informs me that she is 3 minutes out and to have my s**t ready to go. Done. I grab my tiny weekender bag and bucket for picking blackberries and I head up the hill to the main road. Scalder rolls up and jumps out of Boris....laughing. She hands me the chosen soundtrack (Sex in the City). I unwrap the cd and...we're off.

I5 north is uneventful yet gorgeous in spite of the fact that Lake Shasta is so low it looks like it is just perilously spinning down the bathtub drain.

Ashland is always the welcome detour...coffee, brief window shopping (though I do convince Scalder to purchase the perfect silk scarf)...and I take a local up on his offer of "Free Hugs". I spot the young man on the other side of the crosswalk. I say "okay, this could get weird", but I walk up to the young man and say "I'll take a hug" and so it is...an easy transference of energy.

Sutherlin - we drive to the parking lot where the show n' shine, sock hop and Blackberry Festival activities are underway in search of Wayne Calder. This should be easy enough - gentleman, 60's, white t shirt, white hair. Wrong. There are several men that fit the description at this shindig. Wayne has been heading up the Blackberry Festival for 20 years and the man is tired. It is time to pass the torch...or at least, a microphone to his daughter so that she can give him a proper speech. But really - - I think all she wants to do is dance at the sock hop, in that parking lot, at the Blackberry Festival with her daddy. And to watch those two dance is really something.

Before all the twirling to Johnny Be Good...food is in order. Wayne, his girlfriend Jenny, Shannon, a few family friends and me....head on over to the Dakota Station Street Pizza (or some configuration of similar names). Just like last year...the place is packed. Pizza (and beer)...usually a stand-alone meal, no? Not at Dakota's...oh no, there is no pizza to be had without a side (also served on a large metal pizza pie pan) of....Spuds. Spuds are tater-disk-perfection...elevated to the heavens when dressed (heavily) with Goop. Yes. Spuds. Yes. Goop. Not special sauce, not ranch, not ketchup...but Goop. Goop is found on every table in HUGE squeeze bottles. Scalder and I have talked about this meal for a year....this is going to be starchtastic -spuds, pizza and a liquid loaf of bread. Yes!!!!! Screw you Valerie Bertinelli... mama wants some carbs. The spuds are served up - too hot to eat. And then, something happens. I become shy. What I really want is to grab my fistful of spuds and douse them with Goop; but I can't reach the Goop. I must ask for it....but I clam up. "um, may I...." trails off... "could you..." tries to make eye contact with the passer and the Goop. Finally, I look at Scalder...who sees me eyeball the huge container of Goop and she says..."Oh, you want the GOOP...". There. Done. I keep the Goop nearby to avoid that kind of uncomfortable exchange again. I become territorial. 'You want Goop? Go get your own damn bottle...there's 2 on every table damn it....mine mine...!! My blood sugar spikes to levels beyond normal human health as I consume my meal-starchtacular and I begin to hum John Mayer's 'Wonderland'.

We amble back across the parking lot. More people come up to chat with Wayne Calder and to say hello to Shannon. Butch, Carol, Will and his new girlfriend Jennifer talk Blackberry Festival politics. A couple of festival devotees are already swaying on the blacktop in front of the Kool Aid pitcher tip jar next to the stage. Time passes - I almost succomb to a Spud-coma...but we head over to Si, Casa de Flores for blackberry margaritas. Our group heads to the back room and bowl 'o margaritas are brought out to the long table. Suddenly a staff person named Pedro approaches me with a massive, gaudy sombrero. I'm game...I see where this is going. "Feliz Cumpleanos Ponchita..." and all that. Wrong. Pedro gives a naughty boy smirk as he unbuttons the top of his shirt with one hand and holds a Black Russian shot in the other. For the second time that day I say this to myself "Okay, this could get weird". The lights go off. The lights go on. Pedro is going to bring the funk. I, on the other hand am a giggly, hysterical mess....I feel like I have stepped aboard the tilt 'o whirl and can't stop laughing. Pedro takes off his apron and starts to ride it...I take my shot in two go's...it was so much better than Chevy's!

tbc..........

It's Midnight Somewhere...

Asaro & Scalder doing their best to channel Elton John

Yes, dear readers...it's that time. Feliz Cumpleanos de Ambercita!

Tall tales from the Blackberry Festival weekend and birthday pics coming soon...

Cheers Indeed,

-A

Squeeze Me

...musing over broken hearts and how we've handled our own - as well as the hearts that we broke...dear friend smiles a wicked smile and says "ooooh, and what about the ones we don't know about..." I smile back and just make a 'hmmmmmm' sound as I pick up the ketchup bottle and begin to write on my hash browns.

Touch - Sound - Smell

Mmmmm. Received the sweetest piece of mail today - soft fabric, wonderful scent, music and that note...the note that makes me smile and want to read it again.

Thank You.

A Forgotten Art: The Slide Show

The hum. The click. The slide that sticks. The sound of a slide that has become lodged in the projector - and all of the sudden it would appear that someone has crawled into the projector and started to shuffle a of deck cards. That sound. Oh! The frustration! But ah! The entertainment.

Given the amount of grief these things produce with their "sticking" and cumbersome trays and wheels of slides...the projectors that have survived - be it - they've been tucked away in garages, or closets versus the ones that met a much more violent fate...think the copier in 'Office Space'...it is no small wonder that you can find these things for FREE.

So yesterday afternoon...a friend and I enjoyed some gems on celluloid thanks to her free Anscomatic slide projector! Fun was had by all....the thing didn't stick once....however, the record player just stopped working all of the sudden.

Say it with me now everyone....iPod.

-a

Rediscovering the Joy of Pie

I'm still not smoking the cigarettes...but I am craving pie. Pumpkin pie. Nutmeg. Cinnamon, Cloves....oh wait, perhaps I am simply craving autumn.

It's Just Queer that.....

some memories...even if they are sublime...still hurt the heart when recalled

The Life of a Quitter

I've tried it before. I've had success for a few years at a time. I've picked it up again. I've got shitty lungs from something else entirely different - but remained undeterred in my vice. Packs would become stale....then packs would disappear...a day at a time. For the past 4 years...10-20 a day. "You smoke? Really? You don't seem like a smoker..." Yeah, nobody really says that anymore....as addiction takes hold - you treat the cravings with less discretion and pretty soon you are no longer a "closet smoker", or a "social smoker"...you're just a smoker.

It is expensive, it stinks and it is a fine way to pass the time when I've got stuff on the brain...hell, I really enjoy smoking. There. I wish I could do it "once in a while"....but that's bullshit. I don't have nicorette patches, I don't have gum, or a candy jar...and friends probably won't believe me when I say I'm through...but I'm going to give it another shot. Besides, it would be nice to have a couple of things to celebrate when Grandma and I ruin our shirts with mustard from those pastrami sandwiches....

Godspeed,
-a

Goofy Foot Friday

Still diggin' the Isaac Hayes over here...Scalder has me thinking about road trippin' and this picture just makes me giggle....on that note...Happy Friday to you and yours.

-'cita

Learning Curve

Today I tried the (not sure how "new" it is now but...) Kanya Garden (Redding, CA) for lunch. I found it most yummilicious.

Just this week I heard Isaac Hayes' ' Walk On By' for the very first time (I KNOW?!?!). Um, sultry. Where've I been?? Good God...maybe I'll get sick of it by the end of the week and "rediscover" it a few more years down the road.

I've come to the conclusion that moving is not just moving to me...oh no, moving is sport.

Stress does some weird shit to your body.

and uh, that's it

for now...
-a

A Long Road to Pastrami

I've yammered on about guilty pleasures....now let's talk about simple pleasures. In this case...the art of the perfect pastrami sandwich. Now I'm not talking about anything exotic when it comes to the sandwich...exactly. I'm talking about simply being able to have one.
In September 2006, at the age of 78 my Grandma Lee was diagnosed with throat cancer. My mom broke this news to me as I was on a road trip up the Oregon coast...sitting in the parking lot of the Best Western in Coos Bay about to check into my room. As soon as I got back to Redding I visited my Grandma in her hospital room - she looked bewildered at all the comings and goings of the nursing staff...and when we had a moment alone she said to me "you know what I really want?" A pause,...I thought perhaps to be a gazillion miles away from this room, a cup of coffee, a blanket? No. My grandmother said that what she really wanted was a "big pastrami sandwich with lots of mustard, and a coke" that's it. The glitch - she wouldn't be able to have one for a VERY long time - not with the chemo, not with the radiation, not with the feeding tube and general lack of love for food for several months to come. That is all behind her now. That pastrami sandwich is sounding pretty good once again and this week we're going to find the biggest, sloppiest, mustardiest pastrami sandwich...and we're going to share that coke.(pictures to follow) It's been a long road to this pastrami sandwich...but we got there.

Cheers!!!!!!!!!!!
-A

Guilty Pleasures

First off....I found it totally ironic that Bay Area air was a welcome relief from our North State air. Cool breezes that didn't feel like I was standing over a pretzel steamer. Air that I could just take in...without chewing. Ah....the Bay, if only I could make a living there as a civil servant.

I digress.

Kathy Griffin. Went to see this D Lister at the Concord Pavillion with friends for a birthday celebration. Now, I don't watch much tv...especially reality shows. However, I've gone to see several comics with one friend in particular and each time - I walk away with a sore side and a hoarse throat (laughter people....LAUGHTER). Kathy Griffin was no exception to this end of show disposition...she was terrific on stage!

Ms. G is a 'hold nothin' back' roaster - the Kardashians, The Hills, Miley Cyress, Paula Abdul, Tom Cruise (what is the appeal...I just don't get it), Oprah, Bruce Jenner...they're all getting jabs from Kathy Griffin. This funny lady just scored one more fan. Thanks Gee!

-A

Kick Ash

Woke up in horrible, irritable mood...sweat drenched pillow, hair in ringlets at the nape of my neck, V left me a half eaten mouse next to the couch. Mmmmmm....opened my sun roof on way to work and ash parchment stuck to my hair and flew about the interior. The good thing is that I snap out of these moods with the quickness...and music always helps out. So here's my morning soundtrack...

Cheers,
-A

Gravitate to Me The The
Shiela Morphine
Pilgrim Eric Clapton
Loose Fit Happy Mondays
Dancing the Manta Ray Pixies
Skateaway (Roller Girl) Dire Straits
Feeling Good Nina Simone
Dig for Fire Pixies

London Calling

Love this! Mr. J.K. from PA took this and was sweet enough to share it with me! Enjoy!

Like Grandma Used to Make?

Came across this during a.m. homeless outreach....not going to comment much here other than to point out the irony of the 'Holy Bible' (hard to read the title in this picture) and the quilt.

mimesis

the weather has been leaving me feeling like i have been asleep for hours and am just waking up in the late afternoon from a nap...disoriented, dehydrated, displaced.

there has been wind reminiscent of autumn mornings and overcast skies caused by smoke and ash, orange moons that look like harvest moons but aren't, air that smells like a campfire instead of a woodstove. fires are a part of summertime up here....this year it all just feels off.

I can see for miles and miles.....

She said: ...so she just moved in....hopefully things won't get weird.
He said: ...and things always get weird.

yes, it seems to trend toward that.

Untitled

Je ne regrette rien

-Edith Piaf

Anxiety Girl vs. Fearless Nomad

Yesterday a rather bizarre sensation overwhelmed my being as I was doing some routine household cleaning. The space I call home for now is relatively...compact. I've had my suitcase stashed against a wall for a couple of months - - walking by it several times a day; sometimes giving mild consideration to the prospect of moving the thing. Realizing that I can't convert the suitcase into a piece of furniture - I finally decided to put it into storage. However, when I went to pick the suitcase up I felt a wave of panic. 'What do I do without my suitcase at the ready?' Well, ya nerdlinger - you go to storage and retrieve the thing whenever you want to go...

So the suitcase is in the backseat of my car....I'll get there...but it may require a benzo on a doiley.

Happy Trails!

-a

Strange Days

The weather has been moody around these parts. Saturday was what I call a calico day...brooding clouds, rain, wind, hail, thunderstorms, sun, humidity. By evening the thick air smelled like a campfire. Last night, unable to sleep - I got up and stood on my deck gazing up an orange moon. This morning ash coated the dashboard of my car......I love crazy weather, but I hope the fires are controlled soon. Summer has only just begun.

-a

Running Without Leashes

During my morning walk - Kim and I encountered quite the flagrant man in red & black flannel with 3 hyped up canines.

We huff and puff (or I did anyway) up the hill on Sonoma...begin to pass a driveway where this very giddy golden lab bounds toward us. A man darts into view from behind an open SUV door. Man says (with horrified expression) "She's friendly!" The golden lab is bouncy and goofy...the man says "Fuck! Fucking Dog. God damn it"...Canine numero dos runs out to greet us, then a 3rd in the cluster 'o canines runs out with leash trailing behind. The man erupts into rapid fire of F Bombs again "FUCK. Fuckin' dogs...Bessie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...Oh fuck it! Fuckin' go! Fuck dog. Bessie!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bessie, -a white and tan freckled number runs up to Kim and me. I try to get a hold of her collar which simply comes off her neck; and Bessie leaps into the yard next door. The man spins around in his driveway grasping for the dog collar and leash...3 dogs happily jumping, running and teasing him and the man will have none of it. I think the early morning visit to the dog park has KIBOSH written all over it. Kim and I walk on...laughing hysterically...our pace is shit now...we're laughing too much. "oh fuck, fuckity fuck, fuck's sake!" Somebody get the poor man a cup of coffee...and all those F Bombs before 6 a.m. Poor dogs.

As Good As It Gets

Overheard at hair salon this evening:

Stylist: So, you're going to Vegas...when? What for?
Patron: I turn 40 this week.
Stylist: (gasp!!) Oooooh, how are you doing?

Wow. Since I was sitting in the chair right next to the soon to be 40 year old; my twisted facial expression was revealed in the side by side mirrors. All I could think was...Seriously? On average, American women live into their 80's...Over the Hill cards are made for 30 year olds and beyond. Do we really slam the wall on youth barely into half our lives - spending the other half chasing it, glorifying it, trying to buy it back? Don't get me wrong - embrace youth - honor it and then evolve....more than half our lives spent being ashamed that we're essentially still here only older (duh?) is puzzling to me.

Speaking of honoring - today I think of you Big D. Someone who left us all too soon and someone who told me once...reaffirmingly "you know who you are". I'm so thankful you did when I wasn't sure I did at all. Love and miss you today and always.

Additionally - - that soon to be 40 year old might want to re-think her stylist. Just a thought.


Cheers!!

-A

a word here...

saw this one in an article yesterday.....thinktankerati. love that! wonder where i'll see it or hear it next. somebody play with me...use it in a sentence.

-a

Fear

Today was the first day that I got back on the Black Dog. I met up with dear friend for usual 5:15 am walk and was frustrated that I just couldn't keep up...she reassured me as she jogged a distance ahead and then back to me again that I should rest up this week and let the ankle heal. Back to square one.

I was gimpy last week....just about ready to go again by Friday. So back to the Black Dog - I rode to work but was not as confident as I had been last week. The real fear came when I approached the long driveway back up to the carport on the ride home. I rode the brakes down the faded and in some spots - crumbly driveway to the carport...at times with both feet out to the side for steadying. I hated that I was so fearful. I resented that while we can talk a good talk and try to boost ourselves - myself; that the physiological response to my fear is so acute and crippling.

I will try again tomorrow.

-a

3 Things

"When wealth is lost, nothing is lost.

When health is lost, something is lost.

When character is lost, all is lost."

-unknown

Stoned and De-Throned

It really threw me. The Black Dog has officially kicked some 'cita ass. Don't ever tread gravel roads on a scooter. I've done it before and been fine - but on my way home this afternoon I coasted down the hill to my doorstep, braked a little and SLAM! right into the gravel I went. Rammed my ankle (same one injured last week at Rainbow Pool) into the ground and banged my head into the rocks....(I can't speak enough about helmets now....I want a vintage diver helmet at this point)...I was spead out on the gravel looking up into the oak tree wondering if I could get up...but figured I'd better since I could smell gasoline (usually a scent I enjoy...weirdo!). Rolled the scooter behind my car and iced the ankle...friends are coming over anyway with some wine and....

all will be well...

effing gravel!!!!!!!!!!!!

-sprained 'cita

Letting Go, It's Hardly Giving In

I'm letting it go. I'm putting it down...and I'm being quiet for a minute. No namaste, no Om,...just some silence for a bit. Ah,...it feels better already.

"It's okay to want comfort. Simple and pure are not inferior or pedestrian"

-Liza Palmer

Dance Along the Edge

I'm back from Yosemite. That place does wonders for the soul - crowds or no crowds. Our group camped at a place about 5 minutes from the park entrance and nobody else wanted to check out things on the valley floor 'cept my cousin and me. Being the shutterbug she is, B packed up all her gear and off we went for a day trip. As soon as we dropped into the valley and Half Dome revealed itself...I was in just as much awe as the first time I saw it. I was 25 the first time I went to Yosemite and I wondered then..."what took me so long to visit this place...and what else is out there that I haven't given much thought to checking out?". B is a seasoned visitor to the park but hasn't shot film there in autumn - so we made a plan to return in October to hike Half Dome and play with cameras.

While on the trip we also visited Rainbow Pool for an afternoon. The water was freezing ass cold but if you sat in the sun long enough, it didn't seem as intimidating to go for a dip. Nearby, a couple of guys in wetsuits were jumping off the rocks about 50 feet above. I looked at Pat and said "you, me...let's go jump!" Pat nooded but I was the only one headed for the stream that led up to the main boulder. Getting to the top required some rock climbing but I was determined to make it up. Once there (and true to 'cita form) I threw one leg over the edge and began to pull up but I stumbled and landed on my palms...skidding toward the edge. Now...all I could think was "SHIT, this is NOT how I want to make my exit off of this damn rock". I eventually stopped skidding on my palms, rubbed my twisted ankle and sat there to get my bearings. One good part about that digger episode was that no one saw...I was out of view from the onlookers below. So I got up, walked to the edge and dove in. My cousin later told me that she was expecting a cannonball or something, not a dive. But I figured that I cannonball, or any other type of flailing around would just hurt. As it happened...my sandals popped off my feet upon impact and my bikini top didn't stand up to "sport bra" support as I was barefoot and bouncy when I swam back to shore, sandals in hand, two tucks and Gary helped me out of the water where a beer was waiting for me. B only captured the splash on film...typical. Kind of like that scene in 'Sixteen Candles" where John Cusack takes a poloroid of Anthony Michael Hall and Babe...and only captures half of AMH's face and bracey smile. And that my friends, is my tale of Rainbow Pool.

Rain Sweet Rain

Memorial Day weekend in this neck of the woods is always a wildcard when it comes to the weather. It's raining. I LOVE it. Started up last night when a friend and I were outside on the deck bbq'ing...we were supposed to take a morning hike to Mossbrae Falls today. I was iffy about it, but my friend backed out when we woke up to rain. Damn!

So for now, enjoying the smell of rain, listening to new wave countdown on xm...'life of riley', gathering up stuff for trip to Yosemite and thinking about the northwest.

ciao!
-a

Lessons Learned in Reverse

What a long day. Wednesdays are always long so I say this as point of fact rather than a complaint. Steve and I mapped out the morning over coffee and on to the homeless camps we trodded. Enclosed is a picture of the remains of a camp. I've come across what I call "40 Graveyards" before - a recyclers paradise....dozens of empty 40 ounce bottles in a pile. The most disturbing part of this encounter wasn't the mess...but on a more personal level...it happened to be mere yards away from my grandmother's house. I've warned her about taking walks behind her house before. Like me, my grandmother almost always pulls for the underdog - so happening upon a camp wouldn't scare her so much as prompt her to offer coffee and conversation. Later in the day I had to go up to Oak Run to validate a 3 day notice. As I left the scene in the woods...I backed up (County vehicle) into a boulder. (fine...it was a ginormous decorative rock...whatever)...fabulous. I got out of the car and the man in the garage came out and gave a yuk yuk chuckle "...heh heh, everybody does that". I can hardly imagine why I wasn't warned.

I looked before I backed up...I saw NOTHING. I usually learn life's lessons in reverse...but learn I do. A few "Cita factoids:

• I always take tests from end to beginning
• I read the newspaper from the end of sections to the front page
• I deconstruct my food
• Undies go on last...(I'm a skirt girl, it's hardly inconvenient) o-wise...Peace, Love, & Freeballers!
• I will most likely gain dual citizenship prior to learning Italian

That's all for now. I'll take the the extra care not to back into any more rocks...instead, I'll be diving off of them in Yosemite this time next week.

Tally 'Ho!

-a