Fear

Today was the first day that I got back on the Black Dog. I met up with dear friend for usual 5:15 am walk and was frustrated that I just couldn't keep up...she reassured me as she jogged a distance ahead and then back to me again that I should rest up this week and let the ankle heal. Back to square one.

I was gimpy last week....just about ready to go again by Friday. So back to the Black Dog - I rode to work but was not as confident as I had been last week. The real fear came when I approached the long driveway back up to the carport on the ride home. I rode the brakes down the faded and in some spots - crumbly driveway to the carport...at times with both feet out to the side for steadying. I hated that I was so fearful. I resented that while we can talk a good talk and try to boost ourselves - myself; that the physiological response to my fear is so acute and crippling.

I will try again tomorrow.

-a